This man

is my husband. You don’t understand my level of dedication to this man. I was initially going to save myself for him, but then it occurred to me that I should be experienced when I get him (and I will get him). I mean, of course he himself is experienced, he was a fucking pirate,

and, for you Chocolat fans (and he’s fucking gorgeous in this movie, not to mention it simply being an awesome movie by itself), an almost-pirate,

so I plan to become a huge slut some day so that I will not disappoint and then he’ll want to marry me. And who wouldn’t want to marry him? 

                     Oh Yeah                

But let’s rewind. Now, Johnny’s always been gorgeous

and just seems to be getting hotter as he gets older.

And, aside from all this, he’s an incredible actor.

Point: you don’t deserve him, you ugly, skanky, French bitch. Johnny Depp is a beautiful man and, most importantly, my man. So back the fuck off.